I’ve written about this before, not here, but I think it’s worth mentioning again, perhaps even repeating over and over and over. There is a saying, it goes “Bros before Hoes” it’s a good saying but all too often thats all it is. I think one of the most important things men must start to do is take the “Bros before Hoes” motto to heart. Because in my experience women came and went from my life, some were fun, some were annoying, some even stayed for a while and yet they all leave eventually. Sure each women I’ve been with has told me that I was special and she never wanted to loose contact with me. But each of them after, we broke up, drifted away. I don’t think women lie about this, when they meet a man they like I think they genuinely believe that they want to know that man for ever but of course that’s not true. It’s just a thing women seem to do. But many of my male and female, non romantic, friends have been in my life for over a decade. They are people I can talk to, rely on, and more or less know won’t leave at the drop of a hat.
This is why it’s so important to realize that your friends, are and will always be more important than your women. But there’s more. Yes, there is a zeitgeist of feminine sisterhood. Girl talk, and the like, and although I believe that through out history there have been pockets of brotherhood, and “Guy talk” I think the brotherhood has been far less frequent and much weaker. There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is the frequent urge for a man to see himself as competing with his peers. I have to admit I have fallen into this trap many times myself. But despite these tendencies of men to see each other as competitors there has always been a male drive to congregate with other men in male only spaces. This actually gives me a lot of hope.
One of the most important things that men must do is try and see other men as brothers, allies, not enemies. And to start and take the notion of Bros before Hoes to heart. I think in many ways we’re already doing this, but we need to vocalize this with deliberate intent. Let’s be proud to spend time amongst our peers and let’s not see them as weird or losers. Empathize with them, understand how you could end up in their shoes and stand with them, so that when you are in need they may stand with you. Male brotherhood is not something that is “Gay” or silly. So stop thinking your better than the men around you, because you have a girlfriend and they don’t.